Starting Over (Again): Realizations in a Time of Chaos

Hi, ya'll! My name is Da'Neal Knight-McCoy, thanks for stopping by. Let's start with a little background. Almost two years ago I had the idea to start a blog. For my own personal growth and catharsis, I wanted to document the process of discovering myself. During this time I believed there were only four things I could say with total certainty; "I'm twenty-six, love God, I'm black, and a woman." But, what were my interests? What were my goals? Was I pursuing dreams and pushing myself or just maintaining with no true vision? So I decided to start over. I began the process of building my own self-identity, rediscovering who I am and what I love. Somewhere along the way, I got lost. I twisted and contorted myself into a version that I thought would please all the people around me. But, I forgot to please the most important person, ME!

The 2020 Coronavirus pandemic has challenged many of us in a lot of ways. Jobs were lost, along with family members and any sense of comfort and reliability we had in the days to come. With all the free time I had on my hands, alone in my Queens, New York apartment, I was struck with the reality that I hated everything that I was doing. I wasn't happy in my job, I strongly disliked living in New York, and I was heartbroken that I was so far from my family. I wanted to grow closer in my walk with God but it seemed as the days went on I was drifting further and further away. Things that use to spark joy seemed meaningless, and frustration and anger became my default setting. Something had to give. So I quit my job and moved back home to Baltimore, Maryland. Yes, you read that right. In the middle of a global pandemic, I quit my job, moved from Queens, New York to Baltimore, Maryland, and made the choice to live in my childhood home with my mom and stepdad. It's ok if you think I was crazy, I thought so too.

A switch went off in my head, a pounding in my chest, and a heaviness that needed to be lifted. Was I really living a life to the full or had I boxed myself into living up to the expectations of others? Daily I was helping young men and women to seek and reach their full potential but wasn't going after my own. I felt like I was a supporting character in my own life. So I started to ask myself the same questions I had been asking others around me for years. Who do you want to be? What do you want to do? What is stopping you from doing it right now? With that, I realized I wasn't where I needed to be and it was going to take a little time to work through my next steps. I still don't have all the answers and I'm learning to be ok with that.

"You must find your passion in life to truly live to your potential" - Unknown

My goal is simple; to have a place for me to look back to during this process, to see where I was and how far I've come. This may not become a viral blog and I may never be the next social media sensation. But maybe someone will come by my post and it will speak to them. I pray that for those reading it will give you the confidence to start your own journey of self-discovery or even just start the process of asking yourself more questions. I have no answers but I want to find them. Here I will document the process. I'll write about all that I am learning and I'll fall in love with me. I'll talk about the challenges and try to overcome my chronic awkwardness (I make no promises) I'll put myself out there, I'll rediscover and share my hometown of Baltimore, I'll make new friends, and have a whole lot of fun. I hope you'll join me.

#thejourney #selfcare #learnyou